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Indian culture dictates that men and women do not interact with each other if they do not know each other. When dating, the couple already knows each other and is more comfortable with the safety of the date. In India, approximately 80 percent of marriages are still arranged and couples do not date until the the arrangement has been made.
In American culture, it is perfectly acceptable to play the field and date several people at once. Dating is just as much of a social outing as it is a means to meet a prospective mate. In East Indian cultures, monogamy among married couples is the standard and dating is not typically allowed until a marriage has been agreed to.
Most Indian people only date this one person their whole lives. Exceptions are made in larger, more westernized cities such as Delhi and Mumbai where males and females have more interaction with each other before marriage. In most American dating cultures, promiscuity is the social norm.
Women feel increasing pressure to carry on intimate relationships with men they do not intend to marry, and these relationships, though not highly prized, are socially acceptable.
In East Indian dating cultures, promiscuity is extremely taboo and even limited encounters between males and females is strictly reserved for marriage. Most Indians maintain their chastity until they are married or face ostracism by the community as well as parents.
Online dating has become increasingly popular in American culture. Many men and women sign up for dating sites as a means of meeting someone they are more compatible with but might not have otherwise run into in their daily lives. A recent report mentions that more than 30 percent of Americans look for potential and compatible mates online. Indian dating communities are more geared toward matrimony than casual dating or compatibility.
Based in southern Virginia, Kristy Robinson has been writing for various websites since Her work focuses on tutorials and self-help articles. Both perspectives are presumptuous and disrespectful IMO, but they are often aired, and usually with a protective intent, and mostly people turn them into good-natured jibes or jokes.
It also takes a certain amount of getting over yourself and your own expectations. In our case, we have always been honest about the challenges: If we come out of this as nothing more than good friends it will have been worth the experience. Thank you Sasank for speaking the truth.
I am an Indian woman and have preferred to date white men when living in UK precisely for the reasons you have mentioned. I hope more Indians would realise this and improve their social skills without automatically assuming that just because they are men they can reach to any woman they want without first having to work on themselves.
I understood why but it still made me angry. Angela,Its not just you who are curious about Indian men or keen to form a opinion about them.
Though what the future holds for such relationships,has a big question mark. It was four years back she hails from North Carolina and was pursuing her graduation from University of Virginia. Soon the romance was in air,from bollywood movies to hollywood,to indian authors,to indian cuisines,to places in india.
The tete a tete lasted for almost for two years. We started dreaming about having a future. I spoke to her dad also on various occasions. She is a Catholic Christian and I am a Hindu and she was adamant of me adopting her religion. I think it was the turning point. Soon she joined Department of Justice and snapped all ties with me. Long Distance Relationships hardly founds a future.
Though u are in India and u have Indianized yourself a lot. I hope ur dating and meeting turns out into a beautful Relationship and u will be able to find ur Dream Indian Man. Thanks for your kind words and for taking the time to be so open and share your experience. I agree most people judge the book by its cover. I respect all cultures and there is positive in every culture that can be gained by dating or marrying people from other culture. However, this needs a lot of patience and understand from each other, which unfortunately has low statistics in this dynamic world.
I am an Indian who dated American and still love her though she left me because of cultural misunderstanding. I know that if a white woman gives me a chance and holds my hand, she will NEVER leave me guaranteed. I just know it. I never dated one, but intend to. I told you about the ignorance around here and it makes the job more challenging.
I am a white girl dating an Indian man in NY and believe me it is not easy at all. I have been with my boyfriend for a little less than a year and he has not told his parents about me yet and he told me that she will try to sabotage our relationship if I meet her. Yeah, that sounds about right. Also means your relationship is going nowhere perhaps. In my personal life, I am dating a woman from the next state — Kerala.
You should hear the stories that floats around her relatives thankfully, most of my close relatives are just fine with it. Angela, I am so happy to hear that you have been meeting the right Indian men, and that they do exist. Feel free to send some up to Mumbai for me. Hey there, I really enjoyed that first Sri Lanka blog you launched last week not caught up on rest yet sadly — sounded like so much fun!
Thanks, I loved Sri Lanka, it is high on my list of places to return to. Still got one more blog on Colombo to come in the next week. Did you party in Colombo? I heard it is quite rough there … fights breaking out a lot, etc.. No partying, I was travelling with my parents. I wanted to say that there are 5 guys to one woman here, so anyone who speaks of personality and being cool is full of crap.
I always love reading that someone will pray for me, I find that so touching. Good story but I thought the ending would have been happier for ya!. It will be in the mean time you are a happy person so that the hell live and let live!. Nooooo it is a happy ending in many ways. There was a typo in my earlier comment.
She was jealous, she could not be the woman sitting next to this power guy. Most of them have henpecked boring husbands at home. Most Indian woman are not racist, but yearn to the that fair lovely blonde. Part of it is also the general attitude of women and men towards women and the West in this society. I can say this because the other day I heard a relative of mine take a dig at the West and women in particular, saying that well!
The reason she blurted this out was we were watching TV and caught glimpses of women in cute little skirts. I thought they were cute but she had to offload her negativity. According to her, she did the right thing by getting married at 20 and having children while I am 34 and refusing to settle down as of yet.
Deep down I do think she wants to be like me I am very liberal and independent but she did not have the chance to do so because of societal constraints. So she gets over it by taking digs at me and the west sometimes. If she truly accepts what is, maybe her house of cards comes tumbling down.
All we can do is bless their small minds even though it can hurt at times. I fell in love with Indian men on my first trip to Indian. In US I am surrounded by them and never once even took a second look until after coming back to the US. It is really hard for me not to go gaga after them. My first experience was on Diwali. I was dressed in Sari and on an open terrace in office.
One of my colleagues was very, very good looking, as most Indian men I have had the pleasure of knowing are. He was also dressed up. We were watching the fireworks all over the city when he started to sing. Such a lovely voice, fireworks…. Nothing ever came of that except that moment, but that was all it took for me.
Since then I have had several Indian loves! I even married one!!! I did also experience this same racist behavior and evil looks there while I was in Indian. The majority of my friends are men and excuse me if I am friendly! The only thing I could really compare it to is how some black women in the US many of which are friends of mine would get so upset that their black brother was dating a white woman.
I am happy to say that my inlaws are thrilled with our relationship. Some of the villagers may not be so much, but that is only perhaps because it becomes reality for them that this lone villager came to America and became successful and if he had married one of their daughters they would also be successful. Glad you got to experience the dating scene in India and also glad you are not letting this one situation deter you.
The fireworks story is sweet, one moment that stays with you is sweet. Best of luck with your marriage and kudos on winning over the in-laws! Such men are not worthy of you or any woman for that matter simply for the fact that they have no respect for women. Its not the color that matters, it takes a real man and true love above all to beat every obstacle and accept you the way your are… And for the Indian woman who ruined your evening would have had her own reasons for doing so… not that she would have known you as a divorcee with a kid or not even because you are a foreigner, but maybe simply because she knew the guy on date with you… possible Well, if your quest for finding the RIGHT MAN continues, I wish you good luck… Cheers!!!
Thanks for taking the time to comment and for your concern. I hope you dont meet such people who pass such unacceptable comments. That was totally uncalled for. As an Indian married to a white woman for a decade, I could certainly relate to your story. We are from the liberal eastern seaboard part of the country. I am sure our experience would have been much more delightful down in the enlightened south. Not one of them has the cojones to say that to our face, of course.
My wife is mostly oblivious to all that or does not seem to care all that much but it sure does sour my mood to the extent of avoiding such small-minded, nasty, negative-vibes emitting groups in public. It feels so sad that you will be judged automatically without even them knowing you as a person but just because of your race.
I admire the respect they gave to their moms and what the rest of their relatives has to say but its just sad its so rare a man has successfully stand up and speak what his heart beats for when it comes to love. All marriages always have been either a bloody start or a man completely disown by his family. There is no amount of pain I can describe losing my Indian love but it has come to a conclusion that I do not matter much than what his mother or family has to say and now he has to end up in an arranged marriage.
My situation is even less complex and I also have conservative values like they do but still it has not validate anything to make them consider me to be a part of their family. Its a complete no, we do not want to talk about her and you should have an Indian wife. It sucks because it is rude, ignorant and racist. As for my perception, I was kind of stuck there and had unnecessary fears of the new and unknown.
Some fears were of people of cultures I had never been in the presence of before. It was a long process. Now, I am still learning and constantly studying a new language and culture, including Telegu and Hindi. I speak several languages. I also live in a diverse metropolitan area with large exposure to many cultures. I enjoy this experience exceedingly and often. For example, one of my sisters cannot stand hearing spanish spoken. So much a difference and freedom in getting out of a small frame of mind and aspect.
It really does often start with fear of unknown. I think a lot of people have mentioned it here, but Indian guys in the west actually have it a lot worse than your situation. Not only is there the occasional social ostracism, but most western white women are incredibly racist against Indian men. Just imagine most of the opposite sex considering you smelly, dirty and undesirable.
Ignorant people are everywhere indeed! Thanks for taking the time to comment and your sweet message. I have noticed in America, people who are racist against Indians, Arabs or whatever hide behind smiles.
In India people will openly say how they feel. Both are bad, but honestly I prefer the Indian way! And all I can say about the old lady in the restaurant is, just feel sorry for her. Imagine how terrible a life she must be having if it makes her feel good to pass judgement on other people? Lastly, I am hopeful there are at least 2 more great Indian power guys out there for us and will keep my eyes open for us both! I am just amazed by your experiences in Bangalore. I am your favorite fan and have posted in different incarnations in your delectably seductive blog.
I am your ardent admirer. I am speaking from experience having taken my ex-wife and current girlfriend to India , both white westerners.
I live in California. Oh, that wicked witch of a judgemental older Indian woman? Living here in the US , I have dated the rainbow coalition , mostly white women was married to a white american woman but also women of other colors. Currently, I am engaged to a white american woman again took her to India and being a pale-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman either got treated in extremes , either like a celebrity unlike the boring Indian guy next to her moi!
My girlfriend ironically is a socially conservative, meditating, yoga type more into Hinduism than me and more into India than me even though she is a westerner! India is as prejudiced as any other country and is based on ignorance, lack of exposure and the older generation especially those who experienced British India can be prejudiced towards whites!
I am sorry you had to experience this awful scenario but hopefully, your experiences have been wonderful! Thanks for your sweet reply. I am glad you appreciated my wacky humor especially about wacky, bigoted, narrow-minded, gossipy, washed out Indian auntie types! When I got my divorce from my american ex-wife, I realized quickly that I am stuck with dating western women. When a progressive, liberal, educated, post-modern, Europeanized Indian man like me attempts to date an Indian woman, divorced or never married, he is inevitably dragged into primitive, medieval, 19th century, maybe even 18th century Indian cultural baggage.
Groan, a No-No-No for me! Not even one of the several western many american women I have dated ever considered me to be a lesser human for being divorced.
Like-wise , their divorced status , with or without kids was immaterial to me. Most of my Indian male friends, divorced from their Indian wives have inevitably hitched up married with american or other western women and likewise with divorced Indian women albeit to a lesser extent.
It is almost impossible to meet at the far end of the west or the far end of the east but you meet at the cross-roads. The sunsets are better at the cross-roads. Ironically, my current american gf, my fiancee finds me more desirable that I am divorced, have the life experiences and I find her to be more desirable that she too has a similar past, albeit she is a bit younger. Plus the fact that she is madly in love with Indian culture more so than I am into Indian culture allows us to meet at the East-West cross-roads where the sunsets are better!
I like my wine, beer, European art, European films and elegant European meals. She likes her version of Indian culture, Indian art, Indian music and an Indian guy to share it with to boot!! So, I look forward to reading and absorbing your intellectual and cultural depth and of course, your dazzling , enchanting beauty! I have always found Vanilla and Cappuccino mix my skin color to be tastier than just plain vanilla or just plain Cappuccino!
In , this hilarious French comedy about a tall blonde french detective was an incredibly successful film,. Holy cow, you need to start a blog hahaha Daaaang that was long.
Women are believed to be goddess of house who brings luck, knowledge, etc etc but it is also true that many early settlers in west were the ones who married white women today their generations are every where. Hey Angela , I came across your blog today and fond it very Interesting.
Its not just about dating white girls,they would have issues even if the guy is dating an Indian girl who spoke a different language. You should read this book called two states by Chetan bhagat.. But yeah one more thing ,not everyone is like that, my sister has an American boyfriend and will be marrying him next month. She was just jealous and envious of you. So chill and have fun…;. Please let me add my two cents here… I am a white American woman who is married to a gorgeous Indian man who was born in India.
We are both professionals. We have a lovely young son. Also, he is a few years younger than I am. It was a bit difficult for his parents at first but they are wonderful people who now love and accept me and our marriage. Yes, Indian women do stare at me when we go out.
I have just gotten used to this as a cultural thing. Also, because I am different- blonde hair, blue eyes, and very fair skin. My Desi man is sexy, smart, loving, and a wonderful husband and father who does his fare share of child rearing and housekeeping.
What could be better? Hamraj is my name, my mother is forcing me to marry a Indian girl, I want to marry a white woman. I love the radiance of white women, it invigorating! I came across your blog as I am a white woman in Texas who has dated multiple Indian men. Whilst one was Catholic I am too he told me that his mother would not approve because I was not Indian. My current boyfriend is Hindu and we have not had this conversation yet, but it scares me. Perhaps I should start dating back within my own ethnicity so this hurt does not keep happening?
Best of luck to you! I wanted to make a comment. Firstly, white woman are pretty, but ignorant and reserved here for the most. They tend to prefer their own clan. By the way I have the best personality, well groomed and have an excellent figure and wheatish face. It just redneck here. So in my case what Ajay Texas said does not apply.
I really loved reading your post and I have so much to comment on your review on dating indian men but I want to keep it short. It is very unique and rare in white girl to have a taste for Indian men. They are not only good looking but well educated and highly attired women. The another thing I also wanted to say that indian women are generally very conservative, sometimes in good ways and also bad ways. The woman who laughed at you is probably not even literate.
So, there is nothing to worry at all, you will find these people every day in life and is also disappointing that experiencing this event in really top class restaurant like samarkhand, is very unlikely and should not happened. However, there a thousands of people in bangalore who have all the money to buy designer wear bags and not even able to pronounce the brand correctly. I really dont like to talk about it. However, they will surely accept a blonde girl as there daughter in law, if I feel she is the one for me.
I am pretty sure that if my child is ready to marry ethnically different person, I will agree on it. I hope you find a amazing husband. If you make Indian parents fall in love with you, the marriage is literally done. Your comment made giggle, thanks for that! I will probably never see that particular Indian man again but I will always cherish that time and the experiences I had with him around Bangalore. By the way, I went to UCI for about a year, lived in Newport Beach on 39th Street at that time…had a white Jeep Wrangler and used to roller blade on the boardwalk every night.
I have very happy memories from that time. I lived in El Segundo for 1 yr and had a business in Dwtn L. A on 7th and Grand. I have not been to Bangalore since 94, but reside in Mumbai when I go to India.
The best part about me is I can date or marry a white girl and there are no restrictions. How easy can it get.
You are forgetting that generation that was talking bad about you, came from being on the cusp of being disrespected, raped, and otherwise mistreated by the british.