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I decline their generous offer, and instead decide to probe the conversation further out of pure curiosity. I had never even smoked marijuana, let alone mingle with up-and-coming porn stars. Yup, pronounced like fatty.

The two men automatically grinned at one another from each side of me, as if there was some kind of inside joke involved.

A little something real nice once we land. While everyone else was sitting at home holding hands and saying grace in a formal dining room—about to devour a big fat turkey—I was spending the holiday being devoured by a couple of big fat perverts. Pure disappointment came over their faces. They pleaded and begged me to stay in San Jose for a night, and then started thinking that maybe they would go to Manuel Antonio too. This would have been, of course, my worst nightmare because there are only a few places in Manuel Antonio to go out at night.

Running into them would have been inevitable. As I speed walked through security and out to the fresh Costa Rican air that greeted me, I hailed the first taxi I could find. I slammed the door behind me, glad to have finally escaped their line of sight. Bob Ross the exception. On the bright side, my new friends had somehow managed to lend the hemorrhoid talker some credibility! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Log into your account.

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